It's challenging to be anything other than oneself like this... which is why he's sworn off this sort of connection to begin with. It's too high a risk of Being Seen. And to be seen is to be known, or something. It's dangerous.
But that's beside the point now, because in a moment of aphrodisiac-fuelled weakness he has found himself standing over another man making sounds and faces he's never made where others can see. He's letting himself indulge in something carnal and in that, there's no mask to be worn. And Danse clearly is too; their little secret. No one has to know that Deacon has any human qualities whatsoever, and no one has to know how fucking beautiful Danse looks when he's doing what he's told with a desperation to please that he has never seen in any man. Jesus Christ.
He doesn't give a fuck about his jeans. Not when Danse is moaning around his cock, making a mess just for him, and clutching at his hip like a life raft. Not when Deacon can't even help but rut into those swollen lips just enough to get him tensing up and spilling down Danse's throat with a whimpering moan.
Those human qualities are what Danse will be dwelling on long after they part ways. Markers of humanity in general tend to feel increasingly precious to him now that he knows he doesn't technically have any of his own--though he's always found himself drawn to a partner's scent and taste, wanting to indulge and drink them in as deeply as he can on the increasingly rare occasions when he's been able to shed his armor and make that kind of intimate connection.
Now it's simply taken on an additional dimension of fetishistic appreciation, but that isn't the sole reason he so thoroughly relishes the heat and salt of Deacon's release down his throat. It's even more about that uncontrolled thrust of his hips, the utter lack of artifice in that moan, the continued assurance that this, for once even if perhaps never again, is the truth.
He does rejoice in knowing Deacon is a man with needs after all, even if Danse can be trusted not to use that against him outside this room. And he rejoices too, privately, in the intimacy of sharing a secret. He licks away every last trace from Deacon's cock, wiping the remainder from his lips as he finally pulls back, and rests his forehead momentarily against Deacon's stomach to catch his breath before getting slowly to his feet.
It feels odd to be the taller one again, when Deacon's been looming over him for one reason or another almost since they started this. Danse feels wrung out like a rag, but not fully satisfied, like this is only a lull between battles--but it's enough to think a little more clearly, even as his gaze falls to Deacon's lips again with a strange unexpected longing.
"Can I kiss you again?" he asks, voice quiet and a little rough from what he's just put his throat through. Earlier, he'd simply have done it, but now, in this post-coital uncertainty, he feels the need to ask.
There's a moment when Danse rests his head against Deacon's stomach that his hand pets idly though his hair as if petting a cat. As if the motion is second-nature as he catches his breath and lets that lightheaded feeling run its course. It almost trips him up when Danse does stand again, when Deacon is reminded just how imposing a figure the other man cuts, and he's breathless when he's asked that question.
Speechless for the first time, he nods, already staring at Danse's lips with a sort of desire he can't place, more focused now and less desperate. He leans forward, lips parted and hovering close. His hands find Danse's waist, rubbing up and over his strong chest alowly until they can rest over his shoulders.
The way Danse melts into it now has none of the near-starvation of before, the way Deacon's hands are moving over his chest at half of the frantic speed they'd had earlier. Even if the need hasn't actually dissipated, it's refined itself enough that it can be savored with some actual thought now, in a way Danse will be able to remember with more clarity later.
Maybe that isn't what either of them should actually want. But if they'll never do this again, or speak of it again, then remembering it vividly is all Danse is going to have. He lets his hands map gently and thoroughly over the lean hard planes of Deacon's body, recalling enough of what his mouth had traveled over to steer clear of the worst of the scars under his shirt. Even in this bizarre hour of indulgence, where they're something more to each other than grudging temporary allies at best and potential enemy combatants at worst, Danse doesn't think he should ask about those, nor let his hands linger on them without knowing where they came from.
But it's all secondary to the heat of Deacon's mouth against his own, anyway. That's what he really wants, enough to wrap his arms around Deacon's waist and lose himself in it completely.
Against his better judgement, or at least in the wake of an orgasm that's left him hazy and relaxed, Deacon lets himself indulge. He moans into Danse's mouth, tongues tangling together, his hands sliding into his hair, and body leaning into his.
It starts slow and indulgent but begins to grow more heated, Deacon's fingers twisting and tugging against his scalp again, teeth scraping against his lip. With Danse like this, complaint and eager in his company, Deacon feels greedy, years of denying himself pleasures like this bottled up and exploding out of him in a release of pent-up frustration. He pulls back enough to growl against Danse's lips, a renewed hunger in his voice.
"I'm not finished with you, yet." he mutters there, "Back on the sofa. I want you draped over it and holding yourself open for me."
Danse feels pent-up and desperate enough right now after his own solid decade of dutiful celibacy--he has no way of knowing how much longer it's been for Deacon. Neither would he have guessed, without knowing the reason. The common thread through all of Deacon's various looks and personas and disguises that Danse has seen, after all, is the fact that he's a good-looking man, ruggedly handsome and charming and capable of easy flirtation (Danse has overheard those exchanges with Cait, too) and possessed of the kind of bad-boy intrigue that pairs well with his professional aura of mystery. Clearly the only reason for his bed to be empty would be if he wanted it that way, and if Danse knew why he did want it that way, his heart would go out to Deacon.
He doesn't know what it's like to lose a spouse. But Cutler had felt like one, in some ways, their lives joined enough for major decisions to be made as one, both of them refusing to go where the other couldn't follow until circumstances forced them apart. Danse knows what it is to fear that unhealing wound of loss so much as to be unwilling to risk it again. He would be stunned, touched, to know he merits being an exception, no matter how powerful the drug influencing them both right now.
He's already stunned enough by the demand, but not in a remotely unwelcome way, the suggestion alone making his spent cock begin urgently and immediately to stir again. He wants to obey, has no intention of refusing, but he doesn't hasten to strip down and do it quite yet.
"I've...I've never actually done it from, uh, that side of the equation."
Danse also doesn't know about his and Deacon's own tangled past, or the way a younger version of both of them sort of imprinted on one another after bonding on the road. It wasn't like this; not at all. But Deacon still felt the loss of the man once he'd been wiped of his memory and renamed. Deacon's- or Doe's at the time- last big drop before being promoted, inspiring him to rename himself, as well.
This version of Danse is more lived-in, ruggedly handsome in his own way, the sum of his experiences and all of them unknown to Deacon too. He had been surprised to see this face again, decades later, and is frankly still in awe that it's in front of him, now, big brown eyes glassy and yearning. Deacon's thumb brushes gently over the cheekbone under one, a stark contrast to his handling before, but the effort made to show Danse that he's capable of being gently with him as he sucks in a grounding breath.
"A bit different for me, too," he scoffs, "Do you trust me?"
A loaded question. He knows Danse doesn't- of anyone he knows back at Sanctuary, Danse likely trusts him the least. Here in this odd little room, though, under these circumstances? The secret they both now share? Maybe that's not so much to ask. And maybe Deacon craves that answer a bit more than he'd admit to.
If the question were being asked at any other time, in any other context, Danse would barely even be letting Deacon get those words out before vehemently denying it. If Deacon meant it in a more general sense even here, Danse would still say no. But the softness of that touch to his face, more tenderness in the gesture than anything Danse can remember feeling in years, tells him what Deacon really means by it.
And he's already trusted Deacon to be gentle enough with his rustiness at this; he'd felt that careful restraint in the spring-coiled tension of his hips, when he knows a part of both of them had wanted Deacon to let go and fuck his mouth with more abandon even if it would have ended badly. This is more than that, a nerve-racking escalation, but nothing about anything they've done in this room tells him Deacon would be rough or careless or cruel with him in a way he didn't want.
When Danse thinks about it, that isn't the kind of thing he would associate with Deacon under any circumstances. Of all the reasons not to trust Deacon, thinking he would be a selfish lover is...not one of them. Not at all. Quite the opposite, even. He closes his eyes, face tilting almost unconsciously into that touch.
The way Danse's face tilts into his touch is so tender it nearly makes Deacon sick. Add to it the other man claiming to trust him and he thinks he may explode. He doesn't understand how this is happening to them any more than he did before, his brain practically functioning like a colony of ants that got smoked out of their hill and are scattering everywhere. He'll piece all of this together later. Probably.
"Good."
His hand slides lower, over Danse's chest, then he walks him back to that sofa, pushing him down, but not forcefully. A side table made of rotting wood is sat beside it, an assortment of items piled on top of it, and Deacon busies himself to poke through them until he finds something safe to use as lubricant.
"Like I said: Spread for me." he instructs, giving the other man an expectant smirk while he pops open the cap of the bottle and drizzles a generous amount of oil over his fingers.
He has a distinct sense of deja vu as his ass hits the sofa again at Deacon's command, though he hadn't needed to be pushed last time. And he'd been content enough to stay where he was put then, without much time even to think about it anyway before Deacon had been straddling his lap--but this time he's torn between the nervous impulse to watch what Deacon's doing with those fingers, and the sensual desire to do as he's told, because he knows it will pay off in pleasure. Only the latter requires him to actually get off the couch.
He opts for this anyway, as they both knew he would. His hands feel clumsier than he can ever remember them feeling before as he unzips his flightsuit the rest of the way, stripping down to his underwear as methodically as he can make himself do, and glancing with slight hesitation out the dirty window to ensure nobody's there before slipping those off too and standing naked beside the couch. The discrepancy between his nudity and Deacon's reasonably complete outfit, sunglasses and all, feels almost like more of a show of vulnerability and trust right now than the actual thought of letting Deacon put fingers or anything else inside him.
Then again, he's still got four inches and about forty pounds on the guy. He could probably fight naked if he had to.
"I'm really not sure I--" It just feels like a little much for him yet, the spreading, even when he does know how this works; he remembers the scribe he'd had a standing appointment to sneak off with on Thursday afternoons at the Citadel, who had no compunctions about bending over the nearest table as soon as Danse shut the abandoned conference room door behind them, who'd responded to Danse's curious request to switch things up once in a while with 'that would just be a waste.' Danse wants this, as much as he had then, but--
--well, he'll compromise, bending carefully over the arm of the sofa as directed, but leaving things at that for now, twisting to glance back at Deacon over his shoulder.
The apprehension in Danse's voice gives Deacon pause, even if the strip show is positively delightful. He sets the bottle aside and steps closer, using his dry hand to trail his touch along Danse's back, an attempt to reassure him.
"Not sure of what?" he asks plainly, not interested in pushing another man to do anything he doesn't want to. "I'll take care of everything. You just have to sit there and look pretty for me," he says softly, "And if you don't enjoy yourself, we stop, you put that tight little number back on, and I finish myself off to the mental image of it once you're gone. Sound good to you, soldier?"
He doesn't know whether it's the stroke down his back or the firm gentle assurance in Deacon's voice, but Danse believes him in this and feels at ease again, at least as much as he had before. Slowly, the nervous tension eases from his body, relaxing him further into the old couch. There's already a small slick spot forming on the leather where his cock is trapped against his belly, and it twitches again with excitement at the compliment and the mental image both.
"No," he says, "but only because I'd still want to finish you off myself." Even if he doesn't end up enjoying this as much as he's always envisioned he might, he can't believe it would be for lack of trying on Deacon's part, and wouldn't fault him for it enough to want to flee the room. But the anticipation is building now, curled warmly in his core at the thought of Deacon taking care of his pleasure like this, and he doesn't think it will come to a hypothetical like that anyway.
"Affirmative on the rest of it." The jargon is a little playful, just a faint note of deliberate irony. Two can still play at that game, after all.
The immediate No has his hand halting halfway down the other man's spine, but fuck if the addendum doesn't turn him on. He sucks in a breath at the picture that paints, even though the one before him is just as lovely. Danse's playfulness doesn't escape him either, and he hums in his amusement, his hand making its way down to Danse's ass where his other one joins, slick fingers tracing along the cleft of it while his dry hand squeezes a handful of one cheek.
"Copy that," he mutters teasingly. His fingers tease over the puckered muscle, circling slowly as Deacon bends over Danse to murmur in his ear. "Just relax, beautiful. Tell me what feels good."
Not every single about this is novel to Danse, even if it's been a long time--he's at least had a partner or two before who enjoyed seizing a good handful of his ass when he let them, and sometimes it would come with some crude verbal appreciation, and he hadn't particularly minded as long as it was discreet enough, but it hadn't stirred anything in him either the way Deacon's compliments do.
He doesn't know why they do. He usually dislikes it, these days, to hear any kind of compliment to his looks or his physique, when he knows now who's responsible for those design choices, but Deacon doesn't make him think of the Institute when he says these things. They sound natural, as if they really are just some kind of spur-of-the-moment commentary on Danse as a person, but maybe he's projecting what he wants it to mean. It's a pleased little thrill either way.
The stroking of Deacon's fingers over surprisingly sensitive nerves gets a soft little hum from him as he rocks back a little, stance unconsciously widening slightly to give them more access as he understands now why Deacon had told him to do it. "That does," he breathes, relaxing even further against the couch. "You're off to a good start."
Deacon isn't thinking of the Institute when he lobs a compliment to the other man. If anything, it's a passive commentary while he's focused on Danse's pleasure, and maybe that's the crux of it. Besides, it feels silly to ignore what a pretty picture Danse makes just because he was made that way. It's one thing to be physically attractive, but it's another entirely to know what to do with it, and the way Danse relaxes and presents himself for Deacon is what's doing it for him, now.
He repeats those motions, busying himself by pressing his lips along Danse's neck and shoulders, nipping at sensitive skin, short stubble dragging there with movement. A finger tests the resistance of Danse's muscle, prodding at the tight hole carefully and taking its time to open him up.
"And this?" he asks, his voice still soft, "Still good?"
Maybe it's still the lingering aphrodisiac in the air making every inch of his naked skin feel like an erogenous zone right now. Maybe it's the nervous thrill and taboo of being fully nude right now, when his default is to be covered entirely in thick canvas and leather and then encased in six inches of metal on top of that.
And sure, he's accustomed enough to communal showers and locker rooms, but nobody was ever touching him there. Not at all, let alone with these tender, skillful, lingering kisses and nibbles, raising a deliciously pleasurable flush to the skin even before that light scratch of scruff drives him inexplicably even wilder. He's worked-up and yet loose with pleasure even before Deacon's finger begins to push inside him, and he tenses only momentarily at the unfamiliarity of it, but it isn't unpleasant, even before Deacon's careful probing hand finds the right spot.
"Yeah, it's still--" There it is. "--jesus."
His hands curl into fists where they've been resting lightly on the old leather cushion, and his spine stiffens briefly with that startling jolt of pleasure as his cock leaks another spurt of precome onto the couch.
"Oooh, there you are," he coos almost wickedly in Danse's ear, his digit replicating that action; probing deeper, and dragging against his inner wall as he begins to work into a slow, easy rhythm. "Good boy."
Deacon's other hand creeps around Danse's hip, nails gently scratching over his thigh. This touch is different, more teasing. He deliberately avoids Danse's cock for now, but it doesn't escape him how worked up he's gotten.
"You're so wet for me," he teases, his own leaking cock pressed at his back. He allows himself to press against Danse's plush asscheek between both hands, relieving some pressure. "But I bet I can make you even wetter."
He knows how to do this, serviceably enough, from the other side. He's always wanted to know how it feels, but he never touches himself with the kind of indulgence it would take to learn his own body like that, never has the privacy or gives himself the time. But it wouldn't have been like this anyway, not enhanced to this extent by the continued stream of praise or the way he can feel Deacon's cock already dripping for him again, making him groan against the fist he now presses to his mouth and long to feel even more of that against his skin. That desire cuts both ways.
"I know you can," he breathes. "God, that's good. How do you always know what you're doing?" Always, in any given situation he's ever seen Deacon in, every startlingly detailed reference to pre-war things Danse has only ever vaguely heard about, every too-accurate disguise. It fascinates him even when he knows he shouldn't be approving of it, because it's not likely to be used for anything that will work out in the Brotherhood's favor.
Not that he should want things to, anymore. Not for his own sake. This is an interesting little microcosm of the way Deacon's bizarre breadth of knowledge works perfectly to Danse's advantage on a personal level, but this is also the last thing in the world he wants to be analyzing while Deacon's fingers are inside him lighting up that sweet spot like the HUD on his power armor and the muscles of his thigh are tensing needily against that tantalizing touch.
"Come on. Dig your nails in a little harder. I can barely feel that."
That question makes Deacon feel like he's burning up inside. It's pddly complimentary in a way that provokes the mysteries Deacon builds around himself. It's his job to know things, even if this doesn't exactly qualify as business, but intimacy is a bit like riding a bike to him. He's never really forgotten how to do it, but it has been a long time, and maybe he's lacking a little finesse, but Danse hasn't seemed to notice.
He laughs in response, his finger curling inside of Danse and stretching at his muscles so that he can tease the tip of a second digit against his rim. "Because you are extremely vocal about what you like," he answers finally, "Takes the guessing out of it."
Another laugh; this one darker, nearly a growl, his fingers at Danse's thigh gripping until his nails bite at his skin. "For example..." he mutters teasingly, dragging his teeth along Danse's shoulder before sinking them into the place where it connects to his neck. That little taunt of Danse's has made Deacon's cock throb against him and invite a more bruising pace from the fingers inside of him.
Yes. For example. Danse thinks finesse is overrated at the best of times anyway, and is rarely shy about saying so, but nothing about the way Deacon has been working him up feels remotely lacking in it or anything else. It makes it feel impossible not to be vocal, and he has only the barest shred of bandwidth left to feel indignant about being called out for the open book that he is.
There are so many better things he could be doing with his energy than trying to prove Deacon wrong right now. Things like rocking back against that second finger in an unspoken plea for it, like loosing a strangled shout from his throat at the teeth and the nails and the utterly perfect sting of them, and then forcing himself to be quieter lest someone passing by try to investigate. The pulse of Deacon's cock against his ass makes him almost delirious with the desire to feel that inside him, but in the meantime, what he needs more than anything is to make Deacon's voice sound like that again.
"That's better," he growls back, when he can breathe again. "You want vocal, you keep that up."
As if they don't both know perfectly damn well that he'll be gasping and whimpering and moaning in the end no matter how Deacon opts to go about stretching him open and filling him up, just as long as he does.
Everything Danse does is exquisite. He feeds into Deacon's movements like he can read his mind, each reaction specifically tailored to turn him on. The growled tone of Danse's voice and the borderline combative way he taunts Deacon are making his heart race, and his finger is sliding home inside of him like it belongs there, curling and scissoring open and shut as Danse's hole is worked like a lock and Deacon's fingers are a set of bobby pins on a mission.
"As if I could stop now," he groans in that same low, taunting voice, stubbled jaw dragged over to Danse's ear while his fingers pump in and out of him, "You're so open and compliant... and I just know you're gonna feel fucking outstanding around my cock. Bet you pull me right in."
His tongue darts out and laps up a bead of sweat from Danse's brow, the taste of him making Deacon shiver. "...Should we find out if I'm right, soldier?"
He might have glowered with performative lack of amusement, to hear Deacon tease him with his own catchphrase under any other circumstances. Now, breathlessly, he laughs--just a little huff of it, but laughter nonetheless, trailing into an ecstatic gasp as Deacon's stubble rasps over his skin and raises goosebumps, as his fingers work and stretch and fill Danse in a way he didn't know he could possibly come to crave this quickly.
Maybe he can blame some of it on whatever's still lingering in the air, making his body more relaxed and supple and pliable under Deacon's deft hands, but he can't credit all of his desperate need to the drugs anymore, not when that shiver at the taste of his sweat makes him want to reach back and drag Deacon closer, makes him think in one wild intrusive thought that he could almost push back and impale himself on Deacon's cock for how much more of this he already wants.
"Do it," he pleads, reaching unthinkingly for Deacon's free hand for reasons he'll analyze later, squeezing it rough and tight. "I'm ready. Come on."
"Mmmh, I thought so..." he teases again, nipping at that earlobe before his fingers are sliding out of Danse and wrapping around his own cock. He pulls back, lining himself up as Danse grasps his hand, which thoughtlessly flexes, forcing Danse's grip open so that his fingers can be woven interlocking with Deacon's.
"There's my good boy..." he purrs, rubbing the head of his cock teasingly around his rim, just one circle before it's pushing in and past it. Deacon sucks in a breath of air as he does, the tight heat of Danse's body making his head spin. He lets himself sink inside as much as he's able before easing back and rutting deeper until he's fully sheathed.
Maybe Danse has overestimated how much he should ideally be trying to handle at once, greedy as he feels for this right now. Maybe he should be asking for it a little slower, tempering his own impatience.
That's a problem for tomorrow, and not even so much of one, when they both know he's built Institute-tough. When Deacon takes that reflexive assurance-seeking gesture and doubles down on it, holding him, praising him, his voice simultaneously soothing and tantalizing, it would take a deathclaw attack to drag Danse away from doing his utmost here to live up to that praise and take Deacon's cock as well as he possibly can.
It's a lot. He didn't think it could feel like this much, even with the faint stretched ache still lingering a little in his jaw, when those fingers had fit inside him like they perfectly belonged, but he can push through the burn like the high of good exercise, hissing and gripping Deacon's hand almost tight enough to bruise, other hand making the leather of the couch squeak in protest as his fingers dig into it too.
But he was right to trust Deacon. Danse can feel how steady and careful he's being, and he lets out a slow breath to relax himself further when he feels Deacon finally balls-deep inside him, giving that hand another, more conscious squeeze as if to confirm that he's all right. "It's good," he says, voice still strained, but no less needy for it. "Jesus, though, you feel enormous."
The tight clutch of Danse's body is one thing. It's another completely to see him work through this, hissing and clutching the leather like a life raft. Deacon feels time freeze for a moment while he stills, buried inside of Danse as deep as he can go. He returns that squeeze at his fingers, leaving that reassurance unspoken, but shortly after, he's scoffing out a laugh.
"You had me in your mouth a moment ago, you tell me..." he teases, then draws his hips back slowly. His hips begin to thrust forcefully, but too slow for a true pace. "Was I?" he asks, punctuating with a thrust.
His free hand, the one that snakes around Danse's body to palm at his cock, curls around it's tip and strokes it once toward its base creepingly slow.
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But that's beside the point now, because in a moment of aphrodisiac-fuelled weakness he has found himself standing over another man making sounds and faces he's never made where others can see. He's letting himself indulge in something carnal and in that, there's no mask to be worn. And Danse clearly is too; their little secret. No one has to know that Deacon has any human qualities whatsoever, and no one has to know how fucking beautiful Danse looks when he's doing what he's told with a desperation to please that he has never seen in any man. Jesus Christ.
He doesn't give a fuck about his jeans. Not when Danse is moaning around his cock, making a mess just for him, and clutching at his hip like a life raft. Not when Deacon can't even help but rut into those swollen lips just enough to get him tensing up and spilling down Danse's throat with a whimpering moan.
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Now it's simply taken on an additional dimension of fetishistic appreciation, but that isn't the sole reason he so thoroughly relishes the heat and salt of Deacon's release down his throat. It's even more about that uncontrolled thrust of his hips, the utter lack of artifice in that moan, the continued assurance that this, for once even if perhaps never again, is the truth.
He does rejoice in knowing Deacon is a man with needs after all, even if Danse can be trusted not to use that against him outside this room. And he rejoices too, privately, in the intimacy of sharing a secret. He licks away every last trace from Deacon's cock, wiping the remainder from his lips as he finally pulls back, and rests his forehead momentarily against Deacon's stomach to catch his breath before getting slowly to his feet.
It feels odd to be the taller one again, when Deacon's been looming over him for one reason or another almost since they started this. Danse feels wrung out like a rag, but not fully satisfied, like this is only a lull between battles--but it's enough to think a little more clearly, even as his gaze falls to Deacon's lips again with a strange unexpected longing.
"Can I kiss you again?" he asks, voice quiet and a little rough from what he's just put his throat through. Earlier, he'd simply have done it, but now, in this post-coital uncertainty, he feels the need to ask.
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Speechless for the first time, he nods, already staring at Danse's lips with a sort of desire he can't place, more focused now and less desperate. He leans forward, lips parted and hovering close. His hands find Danse's waist, rubbing up and over his strong chest alowly until they can rest over his shoulders.
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Maybe that isn't what either of them should actually want. But if they'll never do this again, or speak of it again, then remembering it vividly is all Danse is going to have. He lets his hands map gently and thoroughly over the lean hard planes of Deacon's body, recalling enough of what his mouth had traveled over to steer clear of the worst of the scars under his shirt. Even in this bizarre hour of indulgence, where they're something more to each other than grudging temporary allies at best and potential enemy combatants at worst, Danse doesn't think he should ask about those, nor let his hands linger on them without knowing where they came from.
But it's all secondary to the heat of Deacon's mouth against his own, anyway. That's what he really wants, enough to wrap his arms around Deacon's waist and lose himself in it completely.
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It starts slow and indulgent but begins to grow more heated, Deacon's fingers twisting and tugging against his scalp again, teeth scraping against his lip. With Danse like this, complaint and eager in his company, Deacon feels greedy, years of denying himself pleasures like this bottled up and exploding out of him in a release of pent-up frustration. He pulls back enough to growl against Danse's lips, a renewed hunger in his voice.
"I'm not finished with you, yet." he mutters there, "Back on the sofa. I want you draped over it and holding yourself open for me."
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He doesn't know what it's like to lose a spouse. But Cutler had felt like one, in some ways, their lives joined enough for major decisions to be made as one, both of them refusing to go where the other couldn't follow until circumstances forced them apart. Danse knows what it is to fear that unhealing wound of loss so much as to be unwilling to risk it again. He would be stunned, touched, to know he merits being an exception, no matter how powerful the drug influencing them both right now.
He's already stunned enough by the demand, but not in a remotely unwelcome way, the suggestion alone making his spent cock begin urgently and immediately to stir again. He wants to obey, has no intention of refusing, but he doesn't hasten to strip down and do it quite yet.
"I've...I've never actually done it from, uh, that side of the equation."
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This version of Danse is more lived-in, ruggedly handsome in his own way, the sum of his experiences and all of them unknown to Deacon too. He had been surprised to see this face again, decades later, and is frankly still in awe that it's in front of him, now, big brown eyes glassy and yearning. Deacon's thumb brushes gently over the cheekbone under one, a stark contrast to his handling before, but the effort made to show Danse that he's capable of being gently with him as he sucks in a grounding breath.
"A bit different for me, too," he scoffs, "Do you trust me?"
A loaded question. He knows Danse doesn't- of anyone he knows back at Sanctuary, Danse likely trusts him the least. Here in this odd little room, though, under these circumstances? The secret they both now share? Maybe that's not so much to ask. And maybe Deacon craves that answer a bit more than he'd admit to.
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And he's already trusted Deacon to be gentle enough with his rustiness at this; he'd felt that careful restraint in the spring-coiled tension of his hips, when he knows a part of both of them had wanted Deacon to let go and fuck his mouth with more abandon even if it would have ended badly. This is more than that, a nerve-racking escalation, but nothing about anything they've done in this room tells him Deacon would be rough or careless or cruel with him in a way he didn't want.
When Danse thinks about it, that isn't the kind of thing he would associate with Deacon under any circumstances. Of all the reasons not to trust Deacon, thinking he would be a selfish lover is...not one of them. Not at all. Quite the opposite, even. He closes his eyes, face tilting almost unconsciously into that touch.
"If you'll believe it, yes."
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"Good."
His hand slides lower, over Danse's chest, then he walks him back to that sofa, pushing him down, but not forcefully. A side table made of rotting wood is sat beside it, an assortment of items piled on top of it, and Deacon busies himself to poke through them until he finds something safe to use as lubricant.
"Like I said: Spread for me." he instructs, giving the other man an expectant smirk while he pops open the cap of the bottle and drizzles a generous amount of oil over his fingers.
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He has a distinct sense of deja vu as his ass hits the sofa again at Deacon's command, though he hadn't needed to be pushed last time. And he'd been content enough to stay where he was put then, without much time even to think about it anyway before Deacon had been straddling his lap--but this time he's torn between the nervous impulse to watch what Deacon's doing with those fingers, and the sensual desire to do as he's told, because he knows it will pay off in pleasure. Only the latter requires him to actually get off the couch.
He opts for this anyway, as they both knew he would. His hands feel clumsier than he can ever remember them feeling before as he unzips his flightsuit the rest of the way, stripping down to his underwear as methodically as he can make himself do, and glancing with slight hesitation out the dirty window to ensure nobody's there before slipping those off too and standing naked beside the couch. The discrepancy between his nudity and Deacon's reasonably complete outfit, sunglasses and all, feels almost like more of a show of vulnerability and trust right now than the actual thought of letting Deacon put fingers or anything else inside him.
Then again, he's still got four inches and about forty pounds on the guy. He could probably fight naked if he had to.
"I'm really not sure I--" It just feels like a little much for him yet, the spreading, even when he does know how this works; he remembers the scribe he'd had a standing appointment to sneak off with on Thursday afternoons at the Citadel, who had no compunctions about bending over the nearest table as soon as Danse shut the abandoned conference room door behind them, who'd responded to Danse's curious request to switch things up once in a while with 'that would just be a waste.' Danse wants this, as much as he had then, but--
--well, he'll compromise, bending carefully over the arm of the sofa as directed, but leaving things at that for now, twisting to glance back at Deacon over his shoulder.
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"Not sure of what?" he asks plainly, not interested in pushing another man to do anything he doesn't want to. "I'll take care of everything. You just have to sit there and look pretty for me," he says softly, "And if you don't enjoy yourself, we stop, you put that tight little number back on, and I finish myself off to the mental image of it once you're gone. Sound good to you, soldier?"
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"No," he says, "but only because I'd still want to finish you off myself." Even if he doesn't end up enjoying this as much as he's always envisioned he might, he can't believe it would be for lack of trying on Deacon's part, and wouldn't fault him for it enough to want to flee the room. But the anticipation is building now, curled warmly in his core at the thought of Deacon taking care of his pleasure like this, and he doesn't think it will come to a hypothetical like that anyway.
"Affirmative on the rest of it." The jargon is a little playful, just a faint note of deliberate irony. Two can still play at that game, after all.
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"Copy that," he mutters teasingly. His fingers tease over the puckered muscle, circling slowly as Deacon bends over Danse to murmur in his ear. "Just relax, beautiful. Tell me what feels good."
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He doesn't know why they do. He usually dislikes it, these days, to hear any kind of compliment to his looks or his physique, when he knows now who's responsible for those design choices, but Deacon doesn't make him think of the Institute when he says these things. They sound natural, as if they really are just some kind of spur-of-the-moment commentary on Danse as a person, but maybe he's projecting what he wants it to mean. It's a pleased little thrill either way.
The stroking of Deacon's fingers over surprisingly sensitive nerves gets a soft little hum from him as he rocks back a little, stance unconsciously widening slightly to give them more access as he understands now why Deacon had told him to do it. "That does," he breathes, relaxing even further against the couch. "You're off to a good start."
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He repeats those motions, busying himself by pressing his lips along Danse's neck and shoulders, nipping at sensitive skin, short stubble dragging there with movement. A finger tests the resistance of Danse's muscle, prodding at the tight hole carefully and taking its time to open him up.
"And this?" he asks, his voice still soft, "Still good?"
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And sure, he's accustomed enough to communal showers and locker rooms, but nobody was ever touching him there. Not at all, let alone with these tender, skillful, lingering kisses and nibbles, raising a deliciously pleasurable flush to the skin even before that light scratch of scruff drives him inexplicably even wilder. He's worked-up and yet loose with pleasure even before Deacon's finger begins to push inside him, and he tenses only momentarily at the unfamiliarity of it, but it isn't unpleasant, even before Deacon's careful probing hand finds the right spot.
"Yeah, it's still--" There it is. "--jesus."
His hands curl into fists where they've been resting lightly on the old leather cushion, and his spine stiffens briefly with that startling jolt of pleasure as his cock leaks another spurt of precome onto the couch.
"Do that again," he pants.
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Deacon's other hand creeps around Danse's hip, nails gently scratching over his thigh. This touch is different, more teasing. He deliberately avoids Danse's cock for now, but it doesn't escape him how worked up he's gotten.
"You're so wet for me," he teases, his own leaking cock pressed at his back. He allows himself to press against Danse's plush asscheek between both hands, relieving some pressure. "But I bet I can make you even wetter."
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"I know you can," he breathes. "God, that's good. How do you always know what you're doing?" Always, in any given situation he's ever seen Deacon in, every startlingly detailed reference to pre-war things Danse has only ever vaguely heard about, every too-accurate disguise. It fascinates him even when he knows he shouldn't be approving of it, because it's not likely to be used for anything that will work out in the Brotherhood's favor.
Not that he should want things to, anymore. Not for his own sake. This is an interesting little microcosm of the way Deacon's bizarre breadth of knowledge works perfectly to Danse's advantage on a personal level, but this is also the last thing in the world he wants to be analyzing while Deacon's fingers are inside him lighting up that sweet spot like the HUD on his power armor and the muscles of his thigh are tensing needily against that tantalizing touch.
"Come on. Dig your nails in a little harder. I can barely feel that."
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He laughs in response, his finger curling inside of Danse and stretching at his muscles so that he can tease the tip of a second digit against his rim. "Because you are extremely vocal about what you like," he answers finally, "Takes the guessing out of it."
Another laugh; this one darker, nearly a growl, his fingers at Danse's thigh gripping until his nails bite at his skin. "For example..." he mutters teasingly, dragging his teeth along Danse's shoulder before sinking them into the place where it connects to his neck. That little taunt of Danse's has made Deacon's cock throb against him and invite a more bruising pace from the fingers inside of him.
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Yes. For example. Danse thinks finesse is overrated at the best of times anyway, and is rarely shy about saying so, but nothing about the way Deacon has been working him up feels remotely lacking in it or anything else. It makes it feel impossible not to be vocal, and he has only the barest shred of bandwidth left to feel indignant about being called out for the open book that he is.
There are so many better things he could be doing with his energy than trying to prove Deacon wrong right now. Things like rocking back against that second finger in an unspoken plea for it, like loosing a strangled shout from his throat at the teeth and the nails and the utterly perfect sting of them, and then forcing himself to be quieter lest someone passing by try to investigate. The pulse of Deacon's cock against his ass makes him almost delirious with the desire to feel that inside him, but in the meantime, what he needs more than anything is to make Deacon's voice sound like that again.
"That's better," he growls back, when he can breathe again. "You want vocal, you keep that up."
As if they don't both know perfectly damn well that he'll be gasping and whimpering and moaning in the end no matter how Deacon opts to go about stretching him open and filling him up, just as long as he does.
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"As if I could stop now," he groans in that same low, taunting voice, stubbled jaw dragged over to Danse's ear while his fingers pump in and out of him, "You're so open and compliant... and I just know you're gonna feel fucking outstanding around my cock. Bet you pull me right in."
His tongue darts out and laps up a bead of sweat from Danse's brow, the taste of him making Deacon shiver. "...Should we find out if I'm right, soldier?"
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Maybe he can blame some of it on whatever's still lingering in the air, making his body more relaxed and supple and pliable under Deacon's deft hands, but he can't credit all of his desperate need to the drugs anymore, not when that shiver at the taste of his sweat makes him want to reach back and drag Deacon closer, makes him think in one wild intrusive thought that he could almost push back and impale himself on Deacon's cock for how much more of this he already wants.
"Do it," he pleads, reaching unthinkingly for Deacon's free hand for reasons he'll analyze later, squeezing it rough and tight. "I'm ready. Come on."
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"There's my good boy..." he purrs, rubbing the head of his cock teasingly around his rim, just one circle before it's pushing in and past it. Deacon sucks in a breath of air as he does, the tight heat of Danse's body making his head spin. He lets himself sink inside as much as he's able before easing back and rutting deeper until he's fully sheathed.
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That's a problem for tomorrow, and not even so much of one, when they both know he's built Institute-tough. When Deacon takes that reflexive assurance-seeking gesture and doubles down on it, holding him, praising him, his voice simultaneously soothing and tantalizing, it would take a deathclaw attack to drag Danse away from doing his utmost here to live up to that praise and take Deacon's cock as well as he possibly can.
It's a lot. He didn't think it could feel like this much, even with the faint stretched ache still lingering a little in his jaw, when those fingers had fit inside him like they perfectly belonged, but he can push through the burn like the high of good exercise, hissing and gripping Deacon's hand almost tight enough to bruise, other hand making the leather of the couch squeak in protest as his fingers dig into it too.
But he was right to trust Deacon. Danse can feel how steady and careful he's being, and he lets out a slow breath to relax himself further when he feels Deacon finally balls-deep inside him, giving that hand another, more conscious squeeze as if to confirm that he's all right. "It's good," he says, voice still strained, but no less needy for it. "Jesus, though, you feel enormous."
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"You had me in your mouth a moment ago, you tell me..." he teases, then draws his hips back slowly. His hips begin to thrust forcefully, but too slow for a true pace. "Was I?" he asks, punctuating with a thrust.
His free hand, the one that snakes around Danse's body to palm at his cock, curls around it's tip and strokes it once toward its base creepingly slow.
"You'd know."
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